The second principle is YOU. This is the one that covers off all the mental and emotional aspects such as making sure you feel safe, making sure there is consent, that you feel comfortable, that you know your own limits and desires.
Relaxation is probably the most important factor in enjoying anal stimulation. Not being relaxed enough is the primary cause of pain, because it tenses the anal muscles. For some of us, we need to actively focus on learning how to relax. Although it is commonly believed that pain in anal sex is a normal and okay part of anal sex, this is not true. Only ever use plain, clean water — preferably body temperature. Douching too much can lead to bowel problems — so you should try to do it no more than times a week.
As the bottom you are in control of what happens to your body.
Being aware of your body is really important for healthy anal sex and pleasure. Paying attention to your body means that you can find out what helps you experience more pleasure too… finding your prostate opens up a world of pleasure to discover. So go explore your arse! Toys, positions… fisting?
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Read More. One way to question this, he posits, is to approach something other than penetrative sex. If you received the kiss, you're the submissive one. There is no aspect of sex that doesn't have, at its core, an aspect of power.
So part of the thing that you have to ask yourself is, 'What am I comfortable with? Do I like initiating sex? Do I like telling my partner what to do, or do I like being told what to do? You might like taking your car for a service just as much as servicing it yourself.
As Miller explains, there are outside forces that, dating back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men from truly digging into what sexual behaviors we might actually enjoy. The ongoing fetishization of masculinity means that the traditionally submissive role of the bottom is associated with effeminacy.
Chris White, an expert in health promotion and the director and principal investigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network in San Francisco, takes this one step further. So there's some shaming there.